A Mock Letter from a Peacock to Tannen

Dear Deborah Tannen,

I have recently read your essay about how "there is no unmarked women" (Tannen 556).  I was quite intrigued by your your argument; but I also found it mind-boggling to think about.  Perhaps it is because I am a peacock that I fail to grasp how humans view gender.  In fact, instead of having no "unmarked" females, as you suggest with humans, we have no "unmarked" males.  We peacocks are expected by the peahens to bear many eye-spotted feathers on our tail.  If one lacks such feathers, he is considered to be noticeably unattractive among peafowl.  If one has plenty of these feathers, he is considered to be one of the most beautiful peacocks.  Regardless of the number of tail feathers, peafowl almost always gab about how some peacocks are pretty while others are ugly.  My wife, for instance, brags about the enormous amount of feathers I possess to her friends.  (Both of us are pictured below).  I also happened to see feather-lacking peacocks try to use branches and leaves to make fake quills*; they probably hope that other peafowl would not notice their disguised ugliness.  Meanwhile, peahens "have the option of being unmarked" (Tannen 553).  They do not have fancy feathers like mine, yet they are "unmarked."  No one ever gossips about peahens' physical qualities.  Even my wife never gets bashed or complimented for her looks.  Peahens can make themselves "marked" if they dress up in any strange clothing, but males do not have the choice to make themselves "unmarked."  My point is, that the gender roles in peafowl society are pretty reversed when compared to human society.  So that is why I have trouble understanding your kind's mindset; it is almost as if our societies belong to different worlds

Sincerely,

Fictional Peacock

*Author's note: This does not happen in real life.  Also, there are some other false facts about peacocks in this post.